Have you ever had a time in your life when you wished you could say, “Stop the clock, I need a break!” and time just stopped? Imagine pressing a button and everything around you freezes. No ringing phones, no bills, no barking dogs, no expectations or responsibilities, just peace and quiet. The sun would keep shining, you could take a walk without getting eaten by mosquitos, or you could just go awhile without feeling hungry or tired.
As cool as that would be, to be able to pause time and take a breather, how many of us would be tempted to sit there indefinitely? I know I would. The problem is that pausing time would become an escape, a way to avoid or prolong problems instead of dealing with them in healthy ways, much like people get addicted to drugs or alcohol. No matter how crazy life gets, hunger, a persistent pet, the passing of each day, and the change in seasons motivate us to make choices. Are they hard? Sometimes, yes. Is it worth the effort? Also, sometimes begrudgingly, yes.
So why am I talking about pausing time? Well, because my life has been a little chaotic recently. Almost a month ago, my grandma fell and dislocated her shoulder. She needs surgery to repair it, and due to scheduling issues has not able to get it yet. In the meantime, I have been helping her part time with running errands and with tasks at home. I have also begun helping my grandfather, who is 91, with going through old family pictures and documents. My grandparents live in opposite directions and both are over an hour away from my home, and that has meant a lot of driving. It is exhausting at times, but it is a blessing to be able to spend more time with them.
In addition to this, my rheumatologist suggested at my recent appointment that I get checked out for Endometriosis. The treatment for the Ankylosing Spondylitis is definitely working, but I am still experiencing pain that he does not have a rheumatological answer for. Thankfully, a doctor skilled in treating endometriosis was recommended, and I will be getting surgery to diagnose and treat it next month.
At the same time, I have had some other relational, physical, and financial concerns. One of which is that I still have not been able to find a job that is flexible and accommodates my disability. It is something that I have been worrying about for months, especially as my bank account has dwindled. However, this past week God challenged me in my thinking. He kept bringing to mind passages of Scripture that talk about seeking Him, such as 1 Chronicles 16:11-12, Jeremiah 29:13, and Psalm 34:4. These passages, and others, not only say to seek God, but to also remember God’s strength and how God has been faithful in the past. Lamentations 3:25 says,
“The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
To the person who seeks Him.”1
One evening this past week, as I was worrying over job postings online and trying to figure out whether any of them could possibly work, I felt a strong need to step away from my computer and go to God in prayer about it. When my feelings are strong, I like to write out my thoughts (shocking, I know), and this time was no different. I began with, “God, I need Your help,” and wrote some specific needs, like a job. But I did not stay there; like 1 Chronicles 16:11-12 says, I remembered Who God is and what He has done. I continued,
“[God] You alone are sovereign and in control. You are loving, merciful, gracious, correcting, and sustainer of all living things. You have a good plan that cannot be thwarted and [You] use difficulties for good purposes. You have a plan for my life that was set up before my conception, and I know that You are walking with me every step of the way. You often allow more than any person can handle in order to draw us to You and to show Your power in impossible situations.”
It was somewhere around here in my prayer writing that my phone began to ring. I answered it, and it was my grandfather, asking if I would be willing to do some typing for him in a paid position. God is so awesome! He has promised to care for us (Matthew 6:25-34), and this was evidence of Him doing just that! After getting off the phone, I continued writing my prayer,
“Father, please make me more like You. Let my thoughts and actions be pleasing in Your sight, and a reflection of Your light in me. Father, please give me Your wisdom as I navigate my current circumstances. Thank You for all that You have done, for providing for my needs, for giving me mental and physical strength, and for the hope that I have in You. Please forgive me for my doubts, worries, anger, and other sins against You. Thank You for the forgiveness You have provided through Jesus and thank You for giving the Holy Spirit to live inside me and help me become more like You. You are so good, a Light in this sometimes dark life, and an anchor for my soul. May my thoughts and words be pleasing to You.”
If you are going through a difficult time or maybe struggling to make a decision, let me encourage you to go somewhere by yourself and pray to God about it. You can write out your prayer like I did, say it out loud, or even sing it. The method of communication doesn’t matter; what matters is that you stop everything else and seek God through prayer. Hebrews 11:6 says,
“And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.” 2
I still don’t have an answer for long term financial stability, but I am resting in God’s provision in the present. May you likewise remember God’s faithfulness, and trust Him in faith to meet your needs.
P.S. Keep an eye out for a short post with all of the Scripture references for God’s promises and characteristics that I mentioned in the prayer. It should be posted in the next few days or so. Have a blessed week!
- New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1971, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. ↩︎
- New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1971, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. ↩︎
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